LMFAO or You Suck Bitch:

Read on Huffington Post, or below:

LMFAO vs. You Suck, Bitch:

A Civil Discourse on the Nature of Youtube Comments From Haters & Trolls

If you’ve got an on-line presence, you’ve got on-line haters. It’s just a fact of life. But what makes the haters hate and the trolls troll? When I think about what I actually hate (and I’m a relatively sane person without many loaded guns in my basement, on most days), it’s always political: I hate the powers that be that are taking away my rights, hate corporate greed, hate misogyny… But hate someone because they aren’t funny? No. I just feel bad for them. So when someone says you aren’t funny and really goes at it in attack form on your Youtube comments, there’s something under that. It’s just sort of a law of psychology.

People ask me all the time how I can stand the hater comments. They look at me like I’ve got a heart of steel, but that isn’t the case. If a friend or peer who I respect critiques me I take it to heart and listen and think about it. But the haters? Couldn’t care less.

So here’s how to become someone who isn’t really fazed by those comments. Understanding where the hate comes from is the way to loosen its grip on you:

Okay, reason #1: Jealousy. Have you ever watched something and thought there was no reason on god’s green earth they should be famous and making all that money and getting laid like that on a Tuesday night when you are just as funny and living on a 7^th floor walk-up in New York and eating nothing but the olives you took home from the company Christmas party? And you really want to tell them so?!! Jealousy. And frustration. Put those together and you’ve got: “This shit isn’t funny! What a fucking loser!!!! I hope she loses all her money and her house.” (Actual quote.)

Hater Reason #2: They just don’t agree with you. See my reason above for my hate. There are very few uber conservative comics out there, so I don’t have many opportunities, though I’m always more fascinated than hateful, but when I do see something misogynistic or gay-bashing it’s rarely funny to me. So when I read, “This dum-ass ugly fat bitch thinks she’s funy and can sing,” (actual quote, actual spelling), I just know they aren’t playing for my team. Or, as in the homophobic, closeted responses to my song about homophobic people being possibly maybe really closeted and gay, I know they got caught in their own trap and can’t stand it. (See Probably Gay). My favorite Youtube comment for that song being, “You are sick. When I watch gay porn, I just think it’s disgusting.” Um, when you watch gay porn?!?! I rest my case.

Reason #3: They wish they were comedians. Oops, back to reason #1…

Reason #4: No one is listening to them in real life and it’s frustrating for them to see audiences laughing and applauding for you. No, wait, that’s also… Dang. I thought this blog would be longer.

Reason #5: You remind them of their ex.

Reason #6: You remind them of their father

Reason #7: You remind them of their inadequate sexual skills?

Reason #8: You do actually suck and you remind them of themselves??? Okay, I’m reaching here but just trying to be fair that it’s possible sometimes we do suck. But again, that’s back to jealousy because if you suck and are successful (which we have all seen) then it’s back to your haters blaming fate and luck that they aren’t also sucky and successful. Powerlessness breeds hate. Like when I can’t remember how to program my DVR and have to ask my husband. It’s all those hate-things wrapped up into one! Powerlessness! Jealousy that he can! Self-hating my own misogyny — for god’s sake am I really a girl who can’t program my goddamn DVR?!?! All wrapped up in one which makes me hate the DVR and the people who created the system. And all the money they made on it. Fuckers.

And finally Reason #8: They are just assholes who hate everything and want to look cooler by saying so. But again, this is probably not a person you would have fun with. Or sex with. Back to square one of insecurity as well as #7. Walking around hating everyone all the time probably would benefit from a good therapist. Or some excellent scotch. Or a blow job occasionally. Just sayin’.

So, there ya go. If people give you useful feedback, use it. If it’s hate, know from whence it cometh and ignore it. Now go back to doing what you do well.

Best Town In The World

The sign reads: “Welcome to Newtown*, the best town in the world.”

We are driving cross-country, moving from one small town out west to New York. We pass this little town in the middle of the Wyoming landscape and I have to read it twice. Or I don’t because a few minutes later there’s another sign on the water tower: “Newtown, the best town in the world.” Just to make sure we noticed.

Really? The best?

Now how did the Chamber of Commerce come up with that? The best in the world?? It wasn’t even making that claim for, oh say, the state, which was perhaps believable. What’s the goal here, people? To make the community there have pride? To get new people to move there where there really is no obvious economic incentive? Or just to get motorists to stop and spend money at the world’s best Exxon?

The world’s best pizza. The world’s best cherry pie. The world’s best coffee. These we take as cute, maybe, or buy the tee shirt cuz it really was the best pie we’d ever had. But best town – and we’re talking out of all the small towns in France with the best croissants and 100% employment, or the best tidy town in Ireland with that incredible pub overlooking the bay where Mick and Sean play music every Friday from 10pm til drunk-driving-home time.

And here we are, after 17 years of living in “The Last Best Place,” moving to New York, “The City.” No need to say which one. We all know.

So what is this obsession with competition? Why do we only feel proud of something if it’s the best? How about if it’s unique, quirky, or simply ours?

But, I have to admit, I’m a sucker too. I am completely convinced Montana is just that, truly the last best place. (Although Wyoming and even Newtown are pretty damn beautiful, too.) Our new life will be split between our work in The Last Best Place and our work in The City. The implication being that a city can’t be the last best place, though it can be the greatest city in the world. And the last best place implies that it’s still unspoiled, though reading between the lines it means we’d better enjoy that while it lasts.

So in a few minutes I’ll check out of my room at the “Best” Western in Wyoming  whose slogan is “Like No Place On Earth,” and drive away while keeping one foot in The Last Best Place, and head to New York where we will be performing our show in the city whose new slogan is, appropriately for us, “The World’s Second Home.”

And yup, I’m already starting to blindly believe, it’s the greatest city on earth.

 

*(Okay, I changed the name because I don’t want to be an asshole to this cute little town.)