Tag Archives: News

No News is Good News


Screen Shot 2017-10-28 at 11.40.03 AMSo, you wake up every morning with a sort of looming dread. It’s been a year or more of this. The newspaper is sitting by the front door or you grab your phone to read it online. You go from a state of relatively refreshed well-being (because unconscious), and then you basically screw yourself. Bam. The reality of what’s happening in our country and our planet comes crashing back down. Great way to start your day. You’re a genius. Fun times.

So how do we protect ourselves and still remain decent citizens who give a crap about making the world a better place? If we don’t pay attention, we feel guilty or we feel out of it. And then guilty. I have met several people who say they are empaths and this time is just too difficult for them. Dude. You don’t have to be an empath. It sucks for everyone. So what to do?

Here are some strategies both emotional and practical that I have been working with this year that can maybe help.

1. Drink heavily.

2. Okay kidding. Let’s start over.

1. This one is stupidly obvious: don’t start your day with the news. Seriously though, give yourself at least one hour of carefree ignorant bliss. Make pancakes for your family. Brush your teeth. I mean how do you expect to save us all from North Korea when you haven’t brushed your teeth. First things first. And then experiment with that. Can you possibly go until lunchtime? Unless you work in news or education or perhaps political satire (gaaahhhh, I know, I screwed the pooch), the only real repercussion that will probably happen is that you’ll not know what people are talking about and have to hear about the news at the water cooler. I’m going to shock you: I’ve decided not to read the news until lunchtime. Your coworkers will look at you, horrified, but give it one month. You’ll be changed. And they will either sneer at you with jealousy, or follow your lead. Either way you win.

2. Change the way you read your news. One thing I did for a little while was save to it up. Read the papers all at once but only every 3 or 4 days. My husband was concerned that I was becoming a hoarder, because of my stack of 4 newspapers, which were eventually relegated to the closet until I was ready to read them so friends didn’t do a hoarder intervention… Cuz, I’ve already been on one reality TV show… It was a great way to skim what I needed to know without having to do it every day. And in fact – – bonus! – – by the time you get to it, three out of four stories are moot anyway! Or at least all you really need to know is what’s in that fourth installment of that news item and you didn’t need to know all the steps along the way. Start on the 4th paper and work your way backward in time.

3. Weekly magazines or weekly online wrap-ups! I love the week in reviews. I also like weekly magazines because you get more in-depth conversation and complexity rather than just up-to-the-minute hyperbole and clickbait.

4. Talk to humans. This one feels important. But it’s certainly more interesting than reading headlines or catching CNN’s Breaking news. This probably doesn’t hold for you if you’re doing weekly visits to your Breitbart-obsessed uncle. In that case try a quick conversation changing distractor like: “Hey! Did you know The Jews invented football?” Then watch him try to work out what to do about that.

5. The history channel: when all else fails, watch something about The American Revolution, The Civil War, The Holocaust. And while you might think this is a horrible idea, because your brain starts making connections to the dystopian future that seems to be looming, it does help to remember that everything is cyclical. Most of all, politics. There will be a moment again in our future where we can look forward to more of that hopey-changey stuff. I promise.

6. Watch the show “Bob’s Burgers.” I don’t know. It might help.

That’s all I got.

Whatchew got? Tell us here:

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Katie Goodman’s Very First Blog


So the first thing I am proud to have accomplished today as I sat down to write this, was to discover that the word blog, scrambled spells “glob.” Now this may not seem like an insight worthy of a self-help author and political satirist, but it explains why it’s taken me so long to breach these waters.  What none of us needs is more Glob. And if you’re tired from the holidays and say to your husband, “I’ve gotta go write my blog,” it comes out “I gotta go write my blah.” So, with this in mind, my goal with this new blog is to be efficient, helpful, observant, irreverent, occasionally lewd, not depressing, fun, and void of long run-on sentences with too many self-aggrandizing adjectives describing my intent… oops.

Today is the first day of a very new, much-appreciated chapter of my life. Let me introduce you to my new Managers. Erik and Dawn Christensen of Loretta LaRoche Production are the shizzle. (My Microsoft Word dictionary does not recognize the word “shizzle,” but it doesn’t recognize “blog” either, so really, it needs move to a city.) Saint Dawn and Sir Erik will be managing my solo show, as well as “Broad Comedy,” and my speaking engagements and frankly they are mildly insane to do so, but I love them for it. They have not yet figured out that I am a recovering control freak, so please keep that between you and me. HOWEVER! This is a perfect opportunity (a.k.a. bitch of a learning experience) for me to learn to let go and let them do what they do, which is of course much better than I can do it, so that I can do what I actually do: create comedic havoc and piss off the extreme right-wing while maintaining that I want the country to be less divisive.

Each blog, I will offer some useful practices and pithy observations (see promised pithiness above), so for this one, join me as I commit to a spiritual practice for the New Year, which is:

No Whining.

Now, I live with a 7-year old, so I am very good at telling other people not to whine, but it’s actually my profession to sing a good long ditty about what’s wrong in the world/culture/hair-removal-products all around me. HOWEVER! I am going to go on a complaint fast. This is coinciding with a vacation and news-blackout, which should help a hell of a lot. I will check back in once I have mastered the art of complaint-free living. (So you may not hear from me for a few years.) I must admit I have tried this several (read: 10) times too much failure, but I don’t want to tell you about my failures because that would be whining. (Nice out, huh?) But I am going to warn you that this might be a shock to your system. The first time I did it, I made it exactly 12-1/2 minutes. But a commitment practice is really a recommitment practice. Lucky us. So when we screw up, we get to listen to what the voices in our heads say, smile, say, “Thank you and butt out,” and then re-ante-up.

Please join me in this New Year practice and feel free to post observations or direct criticisms about me and my blog (but then you lose you complainer you! Ha! Gotcha!). You can share thoughts including how this was particularly sadistic of me to suggest at the time of year when most of us are just recovering from a week with our in-laws… Thoughts can be shared on my Facebook page which is:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Katie-Goodman/118933314790519

May your New Year be filled with irony,

-Katie