Category Archives: Creativity

Holding My Breath


I’m holding my breath. 

I’ve been noticing it more and more and catching myself. It’s literal but more importantly, it’s figurative. I’m holding my breath until the election. I’m holding my breath until the pandemic is over. I’m holding my breath until my kid gets into college. I’m holding my breath until my kid leaves home. 

And there’s so many other things that I am worried about in the future.

Will theaters reopen? Well my remaining parents stay healthy for years to come? Will our country come back from the brink of insanity? Will my friends stay healthy and not get COVID? Will black lives really start to matter to everyone someday? Will women catch up in leadership roles? Will climate change destroy everything or will we find solutions through all getting onboard and implementing new technology? What does the future hold for our kids and the younger generations?

The uncertainty is staggering.

But right this minute I am sitting under the most gorgeous autumn orange-leafed tree. The sky is a staggering blue and I can hear the giggles of my husband and his father social-distance visiting behind me on the outdoor deck. And my big grown-up 17-year-old is home by himself totally taking care of himself with no problems whatsoever while we are away. Even though we’ve had tremendous tragedies this year, right this second, this one moment, everything is pretty damn gorgeous.

So I’m letting out my breath. Just for a minute. 

And shit man, I TEACH this stuff all year long: be present, be creative, be in the flow, connect with what is right in front of you, give up the specific goal and give up knowing what your creativity or work or life is going to turn out like. And that’s the road to sanity and innovation and happiness. And yeah, I teach it because I know it and believe it and also because I want to be reminded of it every day. 

So I’m letting out my breath. And looking around. If just for this moment. And then maybe if I can, for the moment after that. 

LMFAO or You Suck Bitch:


Read on Huffington Post, or below:

LMFAO vs. You Suck, Bitch:

A Civil Discourse on the Nature of Youtube Comments From Haters & Trolls

If you’ve got an on-line presence, you’ve got on-line haters. It’s just a fact of life. But what makes the haters hate and the trolls troll? When I think about what I actually hate (and I’m a relatively sane person without many loaded guns in my basement, on most days), it’s always political: I hate the powers that be that are taking away my rights, hate corporate greed, hate misogyny… But hate someone because they aren’t funny? No. I just feel bad for them. So when someone says you aren’t funny and really goes at it in attack form on your Youtube comments, there’s something under that. It’s just sort of a law of psychology.

People ask me all the time how I can stand the hater comments. They look at me like I’ve got a heart of steel, but that isn’t the case. If a friend or peer who I respect critiques me I take it to heart and listen and think about it. But the haters? Couldn’t care less.

So here’s how to become someone who isn’t really fazed by those comments. Understanding where the hate comes from is the way to loosen its grip on you:

Okay, reason #1: Jealousy. Have you ever watched something and thought there was no reason on god’s green earth they should be famous and making all that money and getting laid like that on a Tuesday night when you are just as funny and living on a 7th floor walk-up in New York and eating nothing but the olives you took home from the company Christmas party? And you really want to tell them so?!! Jealousy. And frustration. Put those together and you’ve got: “This shit isn’t funny! What a fucking loser!!!! I hope she loses all her money and her house.” (Actual quote.)

Hater Reason #2: They just don’t agree with you. See my reason above for my hate. There are very few uber conservative comics out there, so I don’t have many opportunities, though I’m always more fascinated than hateful, but when I do see something misogynistic or gay-bashing it’s rarely funny to me. So when I read, “This dum-ass ugly fat bitch thinks she’s funy and can sing,” (actual quote, actual spelling), I just know they aren’t playing for my team. Or, as in the homophobic, closeted responses to my song about homophobic people being possibly maybe really closeted and gay, I know they got caught in their own trap and can’t stand it. (See Probably Gay). My favorite Youtube comment for that song being, “You are sick. When I watch gay porn, I just think it’s disgusting.” Um, when you watch gay porn?!?! I rest my case.

Reason #3: They wish they were comedians. Oops, back to reason #1…

Reason #4: No one is listening to them in real life and it’s frustrating for them to see audiences laughing and applauding for you. No, wait, that’s also… Dang. I thought this blog would be longer.

Reason #5: You remind them of their ex.

Reason #6: You remind them of their father

Reason #7: You remind them of their inadequate sexual skills?

Reason #8: You do actually suck and you remind them of themselves??? Okay, I’m reaching here but just trying to be fair that it’s possible sometimes we do suck. But again, that’s back to jealousy because if you suck and are successful (which we have all seen) then it’s back to your haters blaming fate and luck that they aren’t also sucky and successful. Powerlessness breeds hate. Like when I can’t remember how to program my DVR and have to ask my husband. It’s all those hate-things wrapped up into one! Powerlessness! Jealousy that he can! Self-hating my own misogyny — for god’s sake am I really a girl who can’t program my goddamn DVR?!?! All wrapped up in one which makes me hate the DVR and the people who created the system. And all the money they made on it. Fuckers.

And finally Reason #8: They are just assholes who hate everything and want to look cooler by saying so. But again, this is probably not a person you would have fun with. Or sex with. Back to square one of insecurity as well as #7. Walking around hating everyone all the time probably would benefit from a good therapist. Or some excellent scotch. Or a blow job occasionally. Just sayin’.

So, there ya go. If people give you useful feedback, use it. If it’s hate, know from whence it cometh and ignore it. Now go back to doing what you do well.