So the first thing I am proud to have accomplished today as I sat down to write this, was to discover that the word blog, scrambled spells “glob.” Now this may not seem like an insight worthy of a self-help author and political satirist, but it explains why it’s taken me so long to breach these waters. What none of us needs is more Glob. And if you’re tired from the holidays and say to your husband, “I’ve gotta go write my blog,” it comes out “I gotta go write my blah.” So, with this in mind, my goal with this new blog is to be efficient, helpful, observant, irreverent, occasionally lewd, not depressing, fun, and void of long run-on sentences with too many self-aggrandizing adjectives describing my intent… oops.
Today is the first day of a very new, much-appreciated chapter of my life. Let me introduce you to my new Managers. Erik and Dawn Christensen of Loretta LaRoche Production are the shizzle. (My Microsoft Word dictionary does not recognize the word “shizzle,” but it doesn’t recognize “blog” either, so really, it needs move to a city.) Saint Dawn and Sir Erik will be managing my solo show, as well as “Broad Comedy,” and my speaking engagements and frankly they are mildly insane to do so, but I love them for it. They have not yet figured out that I am a recovering control freak, so please keep that between you and me. HOWEVER! This is a perfect opportunity (a.k.a. bitch of a learning experience) for me to learn to let go and let them do what they do, which is of course much better than I can do it, so that I can do what I actually do: create comedic havoc and piss off the extreme right-wing while maintaining that I want the country to be less divisive.
Each blog, I will offer some useful practices and pithy observations (see promised pithiness above), so for this one, join me as I commit to a spiritual practice for the New Year, which is:
Now, I live with a 7-year old, so I am very good at telling other people not to whine, but it’s actually my profession to sing a good long ditty about what’s wrong in the world/culture/hair-removal-products all around me. HOWEVER! I am going to go on a complaint fast. This is coinciding with a vacation and news-blackout, which should help a hell of a lot. I will check back in once I have mastered the art of complaint-free living. (So you may not hear from me for a few years.) I must admit I have tried this several (read: 10) times too much failure, but I don’t want to tell you about my failures because that would be whining. (Nice out, huh?) But I am going to warn you that this might be a shock to your system. The first time I did it, I made it exactly 12-1/2 minutes. But a commitment practice is really a recommitment practice. Lucky us. So when we screw up, we get to listen to what the voices in our heads say, smile, say, “Thank you and butt out,” and then re-ante-up.
Please join me in this New Year practice and feel free to post observations or direct criticisms about me and my blog (but then you lose you complainer you! Ha! Gotcha!). You can share thoughts including how this was particularly sadistic of me to suggest at the time of year when most of us are just recovering from a week with our in-laws… Thoughts can be shared on my Facebook page which is:
May your New Year be filled with irony,
Just been watching you on Youtube – fantastic! I’ll keep checking in with you.
Thanks Kerry! I liked your blog as well! – Katie
Hi, Katie. Luv funny, witty, quick, smart people. So…I think I’m gonna’ like reading your “glob.” Oh, I mean, “blog.!”
I am eager to see what you are going to write about next.
I am looking forward to your future posts.
I’ll join you …
I read a tip once about overcoming the negative voice in our heads – wear an elastic band around your wrist, and each time you are particularly horrible to yourself (or others) ping it against your wrist! Supposedly reprograms us. And if you are harboring a seven-year old chances are you will have a stack of “Silly Bandz” lying around just waiting to be used! I’ll check in with you and see how you’re doing.